USPS Guidelines on how to move a hippo..
You’ll need:
- 1,000-gallon tank per hippo
- 1,000 gallons of water
- Crane
- 1-pound sedative
- Soothing hippo music
- 2 Aspirin (for you)
How to pack:
1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)
2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.
3. Hold it, hold it – put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.
4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.
Also:
When the news reporter said “Shopkeepers are opening their doors bringing out blankets and cups of tea” I just smiled. It’s like yes. That’s Britain for you. Tea solves everything.
You’re a bit cold?
Tea.
Your boyfriend has just left you?
Tea.
You’ve just been told you’ve got cancer?
Tea.
Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt?
TEA DAMMIT!
(stolen from jojomojo, who in turn stole it from somewhere else)
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