F-ing surreal house inspection.

We passed the house inspection.

The inspector was a big, rather intimidating guy with a badge that hung around his neck. He asked questions, I answered them. I showed him the inside of the rental unit and he looked at the french doors that divide the living and dining rooms.

“Oop. These doors have to go. They gotta go right now. I’ll put them in my trunk.”

I was stunned, and readied myself to help with the doors … until he punched me in the arm and said “gotcha, those are some nice doors though.” This continued through the apartment until finally he said: “Well, sorry man, but I’ve got to write you up.” He then wrote “OK – PASS” on his form, and laughed a bit.

He gave me paperwork on what to do for the bill and certificate. Then came the truly surreal part: I walked him to his car. Standing on the sidewalk, he turned to me and I thanked him for coming out. He looked me in the eye and unexpectedly gave me a very small, almost Japanese bow … without breaking eye contact. The laughing extortionist was totally gone, replaced by a very serious man who cared about his city: “No,” he said, “Thank you for maintaining the property. You’re doing a good job. Keep it up.”

Confused, and relieved, I watched him go.

In that spirit, I plan to be at Arbor Brewing Company at about 7pm tonight. I’m hungry for garlic fries.

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