{"id":734,"date":"2005-07-19T16:20:00","date_gmt":"2005-07-19T11:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/?p=734"},"modified":"2005-07-19T16:20:00","modified_gmt":"2005-07-19T11:20:00","slug":"hippo-movin-hippo-movin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/?p=734","title":{"rendered":"Hippo movin&#8217;, hippo movin&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.usps.com\/moversnet\/howtopacka2.html?rf#hippos\">USPS Guidelines on how to move a hippo.<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><!--more-->You&#8217;ll need:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1,000-gallon tank per hippo\n<li>1,000 gallons of water\n<li>Crane\n<li>1-pound sedative\n<li>Soothing hippo music\n<li>2 Aspirin (for you)\n <\/ul>\n<p>How to pack:<\/p>\n<p>1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)<\/p>\n<p>2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.<\/p>\n<p>3. Hold it, hold it &#8211; put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.<\/p>\n<p>4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.<\/p>\n<p>Also:  <\/p>\n<p>When the news reporter said &#8220;Shopkeepers are opening their doors bringing out blankets and cups of tea&#8221; I just smiled. It&#8217;s like yes. That&#8217;s Britain for you. Tea solves everything.<br \/>\nYou&#8217;re a bit cold?<br \/>\nTea.<br \/>\nYour boyfriend has just left you?<br \/>\nTea.<br \/>\nYou&#8217;ve just been told you&#8217;ve got cancer?<br \/>\nTea.<br \/>\nCoordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt?<br \/>\nTEA DAMMIT!<\/p>\n<p>(stolen from <a href=\"http:\/\/jojomojo.livejournal.com\/\" class=\"lj-user\">jojomojo<\/a>, who in turn stole it from somewhere else)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>USPS Guidelines on how to move a hippo..<\/p>\n<p> <span style=\"color:#777\"> . . . &rarr; Read More: <a href=\"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/?p=734\">Hippo movin&#8217;, hippo movin&#8230;<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/734"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=734"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/734\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chris.dwan.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}