Truly wretched movies are, as the saying goes, like pornography: Hard to describe in very specific language, but you know them when you see them. I would be hard put to actually *rank* the worst movies I’ve seen in any rigorous manner … since there are so many variables involved. <\/p>\n
Some things are constant though: <\/p>\n
* The movie must take itself seriously … “Jason X” is, by any dramatic standard, a horrible film … but it *knows* that it is terrible, and it constantly winks at us as it goes even more over the top. <\/p>\n
* The dialogue must be horrible, with all the fluidity of a glacier, and all the grace of a slug. <\/p>\n
* The costumes, sets, camera work, and such must be, at some level, wrong. You can never escape the knowledge that you are watching actors through a camera. You’re looking at the nice shiny belt buckles on the peasant hunters and thinking “those weren’t made with a hammer, and no hunter with half a brain wears shiny metal that reflects while he stalks his prey”<\/p>\n
Today, a new movie joins my bottom 10: Eragon<\/u>. It’s in the same sack as Ultraviolet<\/u>, Queen of the Damned<\/u>, and Battlefield Earth<\/u>. Keep in mind that I *own* Versus<\/u> and Alien Arsenal<\/u>. Those last two are high art of a low form. Eragon, well, it just sucks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Truly wretched movies are, as the saying goes, like pornography: Hard to describe in very specific language, but you know them when you see them. I would be hard put to actually *rank* the worst movies I’ve seen in any rigorous manner … since there are so many variables involved. <\/p>\n