Observed levels of party drunkenness

A notional list, based on more than a decade of observation:

* First we become loud.

* Then we all talk about how drunk we were, that one time.

* Next, we reassure each other that we’re totally not drunk yet. Not at all.

* Sometimes at this point, we do shots. Optionally, the shots can be because we’re not drunk yet … and we’ve been so much drunker than this.

* After bonding through the shots, we proclaim – for no reason in particular: I love you, man!

* Next we plan awesome adventures that will never happen.

— here is the line demarcating “too much” —

* Someone begins – to insist that you’re doing it wrong. Who knows what “it” is, or why they care.

* They will not be silenced, because repetition is the order of the day.

* No no! you’re doing it wrong! is repeated!

* First it becomes acceptable to hook up with strangers.

* Then it becomes acceptable to hook up with your friends.

* And finally, in one of many manners of doing so, you shit the bed.

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